God damnit. Well time to start from the beginning.
Well yesterday my mom Totally bitched at me for doing nothing more then trying to make her smile. Which hurt me so much that I had a breakdown. My twitching was so awful it looked like I was having a seizure. Well my dad being the sympathizer in the situation gave me some of his medication to help me calm down.
(I know its his but he gave me half a pill and it was maybe just as powerful as 3 super strength advil) well I didn't eat anything sense that damned sandwich so it went streight to my head relaxed me and made me high.
So my Guy friend finally talks to me and asks me what I was doing. So me like a dumbbell told him the truth that I was half wasted half naked on my bed cuz I fell asleep and well anywhoo....
I had forgotten that drugs is what killed his dad. And that he has a DEEP hate for drugs. And it just so happened to be what I had taken was what his dad was addicted to.
Omfg! I totally just fucked myself in the ass and it wasn't fun.
He went off....but What hurt the most was that he said "you know What I don't want to talk to you for the rest of the night." And something "about me supporting drug abuse" it hurt me sooo much he made it sound like it was me personally that killed his father.
And leaving me hanging and alone like that is the worst kind of punishment so I told him.
"I'm sorry alright...its done. Don't punish me about it...please." he never answered so I said "please don't punish me." "And I'm not supporting it...that hurt good night"
I felt so awful that I went and started purging to try and get up what ever still might be in my stomach. Which is stupid Because I knew it was all already digested. But I was sooo deeply hurt that he said that to me. It was such a slap in my face. I wasn't doing it to get high...and he already bashed me about taking anti depressents.
But its not just that..its the fact that he told me he'd change and do anything for me. And the one thing I asked him not to do Because leaving me hanging like that is....the worst thing a person could do to me. He turns a deff ear and ecnores me which hurts five times more!
Its like...I'm listening to him I'm trying to fallow what he tells me even though it kills me. And the one thing that could spiral me into the hospital he does it.
I feel betrayed! I mean not just from him. But...like I betrayed myself.
I'm so upset I Just want to yell at him and say " you know what you can stop your pussy attempt to punish me cuz I can do five times worse!" And I can I've already set on punishing myself tomorrow. Starving. No food or water. And ill physically punish myself self harm. I just want to mutilate myself!!!
SoftyxScenexlovesxyou
trashyxlifextrampyxgirlxkinkyxstyle
It will be okay...
ReplyDeleteHe was probably just hurt...
Not by what you said,
not by what you did,
but maybe his past still effects him..
and it brought it up.
I think he was mad at the situation, and what happened to his father - so do not blame yourself...
Talk to him about it - about why you took it, because you we're upset/depressed/freaking out - you did not do it to spite him or for "fun" you did it because it was reactionary to what happened...
Me and my fiance are the same way.
He's reactionary due to his past, and I am reactionary due to the environment I was raised in.. but with talking it out, we've grown to be okay with that.
Just give it time, my dear. :)
Just go with the flow.
Respect yourself and him...
and speak. <3