Almost 1 a.m.

Had really a rotten day today. Woke up at 11a.m. and managed to stay in bed starring at my phone till almost 1 p.m.

I was freaking out inside really.

Crying for no reason. Texting horrible things to my guy friends things that made no sense to them. Maybe I was trying to pick a fight. Or pick there brains make them think.

Scared to weigh myself. Scared to do a lot of things. But Aventually I did roll out of bed. Aventually that is.

I have to work tomorrow.....well today that is later on in the day. It's a struggle it really is juggling three jobs but hours being cut back at all of them so once a busy work week is now begging for hours that I need.

Work has become a salvation for me a place to allow myself to be successful and not think of the demons I battle with on a day to day basis.

I don't like having hours to sit in my room and just think and be bored. I want to fill my time.

The house is pretty quiet....cats sleeping on the chair dad's fallen asleep on the couch in the living room. No one's up really non of my friends are awake.

Sucks being alone at this time. I wish I had someone to cuddle with and feel safe. And on restless humid nights like this we could talk and whisper about things. Damned night has me day dreaming. My mind won't quit of such fairytale bullshit.