Ugh

Okay okay okay. So maybe I dropped ten pounds in a week and got a u.t.I that still don't make me perfect. I can't seem to get on the right track.

Besides me starting a really alcohol binge and not even caring. Im just so out of it.

Best friend died

I was doing well I lost almost everything I gained...

Then yesterday I get a text my friend maybe even lover died in the hospital. I knew he was there I knew I had a bad gut feeling. And I knew I should have begged him not to go back.

He stepped on a landmind some place far far away....far far away from here.

I blame myself and everyone at the same time.

I did awful yesterday drowning myself in alcohal and food locking myself in my room.

I've never really greived this hard before. But I guess it proves how much he meant to me.

What bothers me the most is that he saved lives hes a hero and no one will ever know about him.

He will be buried at Arlington and was awarded the medal of honor....he was my best friend. And I loved him more then a boyfriend or husband. I never got the chance to really show it....or tell it..........

I guess that's what happens to those of us who are scared to really say whats deep in your heart....

And it was so awful Valentines was his birthday. And two days before he died he said finally that he'd come home to me....come home to me....

I loved him so.

Curves vs. Me

Well I've noticed that my bone mass has changed my body. I was when I was thinner of course that I had very wide hips and a pretty empressive chest size for only being 82 lbs at the height of my anorexia and modeling career

But now that I've gained weight and kept the weight I've also gained my fathers robust Italian figure as well as my mothers thick Polynesian curves.

but its not all fat. My bone mass has increased according to my doctors. I've measured my hips and in truth they are wider yet my bones still poke out. And well quite frankly my ass has bulked up a good five inches (at least I know where that weight went to) but the rest of me is the same.

Then again my boobs hovered to about a 34C when its my time a month fluxing about a cup size then decreasing back to a B.

But what inspired this post was when a friend of mine said I had a body from gwnith paltrow to Kim Kardashian.

And I wasn't quite sure how to react when she said that it was actually a good thing

I do enjoy my hour glass figure but the need to be this. Is still strong. I wouldn't mind the curves so long as I was thin. Ill post a pic of how id like to look.

But it is a little flattering to hear that I got a Kim body shes robust and I actually find that attractive even tho I lust for bones. Weird huh.

New years resolution!

Well hello my darlingggsss so as we know my weightloss journey has kinda come to a stand still. But I am gonna share with you a Japanese diet ill be doing plus these super powerful diet pills I found sooo first off.

The diet pills im taking are atro-phex this stuff will tare you uuuup they work really well.

And the Japanese diet is a 14 day diet mostly containing a very low calorie intake.

Mostly broiled fish lettuce and black coffee.

Must drink only water. And no salt sugar or carbs in this diet.