Ugh

Okay okay okay. So maybe I dropped ten pounds in a week and got a u.t.I that still don't make me perfect. I can't seem to get on the right track.

Besides me starting a really alcohol binge and not even caring. Im just so out of it.

Best friend died

I was doing well I lost almost everything I gained...

Then yesterday I get a text my friend maybe even lover died in the hospital. I knew he was there I knew I had a bad gut feeling. And I knew I should have begged him not to go back.

He stepped on a landmind some place far far away....far far away from here.

I blame myself and everyone at the same time.

I did awful yesterday drowning myself in alcohal and food locking myself in my room.

I've never really greived this hard before. But I guess it proves how much he meant to me.

What bothers me the most is that he saved lives hes a hero and no one will ever know about him.

He will be buried at Arlington and was awarded the medal of honor....he was my best friend. And I loved him more then a boyfriend or husband. I never got the chance to really show it....or tell it..........

I guess that's what happens to those of us who are scared to really say whats deep in your heart....

And it was so awful Valentines was his birthday. And two days before he died he said finally that he'd come home to me....come home to me....

I loved him so.

Curves vs. Me

Well I've noticed that my bone mass has changed my body. I was when I was thinner of course that I had very wide hips and a pretty empressive chest size for only being 82 lbs at the height of my anorexia and modeling career

But now that I've gained weight and kept the weight I've also gained my fathers robust Italian figure as well as my mothers thick Polynesian curves.

but its not all fat. My bone mass has increased according to my doctors. I've measured my hips and in truth they are wider yet my bones still poke out. And well quite frankly my ass has bulked up a good five inches (at least I know where that weight went to) but the rest of me is the same.

Then again my boobs hovered to about a 34C when its my time a month fluxing about a cup size then decreasing back to a B.

But what inspired this post was when a friend of mine said I had a body from gwnith paltrow to Kim Kardashian.

And I wasn't quite sure how to react when she said that it was actually a good thing

I do enjoy my hour glass figure but the need to be this. Is still strong. I wouldn't mind the curves so long as I was thin. Ill post a pic of how id like to look.

But it is a little flattering to hear that I got a Kim body shes robust and I actually find that attractive even tho I lust for bones. Weird huh.

New years resolution!

Well hello my darlingggsss so as we know my weightloss journey has kinda come to a stand still. But I am gonna share with you a Japanese diet ill be doing plus these super powerful diet pills I found sooo first off.

The diet pills im taking are atro-phex this stuff will tare you uuuup they work really well.

And the Japanese diet is a 14 day diet mostly containing a very low calorie intake.

Mostly broiled fish lettuce and black coffee.

Must drink only water. And no salt sugar or carbs in this diet.

Lemonade fast

Hey guys so I know I've been hella busy.

I just wanted to share with you that im starting back on a lemonade fast. Trying to loose a few pounds before Xmas hits cuz I know ill half to eat around the family.

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I hate you Rachel Smith!

Long time

Well haven't been around for a long time. But work has been keeping me busy but my weight has crept up a bit.

But thru work I made a good friend who had Ana issues in the past. So me and her are buddying up to loose weight together..

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I hate you Rachel Smith!

Damn

So hey folks

Life sucks right now. Gained like ten pounds. Damn doctors gave me this thing that makes me hungry and binge like what the hell.

But im gonna toss them as soon as my parents forget that im suppose to take them every few hours

Then of course the dramas in my life.

Ughh sometimes I wish it was a perfect candy land world but its not ugghh

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I hate you Rachel Smith!

Not happening

Soo. Ever sense I gotten my job my life has taken a tumble. Not really into my guy anymore but I still love him which keeps me confused. My job isn't the fairy-tale I wanted it to be. Finance in my household has taken a dive which means me ever getting out of here will take longer. I haven't been eating but it just depends my stress level is so high right now that....everything is staying right where I'm at. The only thing I feel that loves me right now is my cat. Everything changed. And I'm out of cigarettes nice. Ha can I stay strong with odds like this????????.

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I hate you Rachel Smith!

Sore feet

My feet are killing me seriously lost a few pounds. Just gotta keep up.

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I hate you Rachel Smith!

I hate love

Need I say more?

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I hate you Rachel Smith!

Whoa

So I lost three pounds in one day. Kinda weirded out trying not to feel to over powered and keep my mind more focussed I guess.

I'm a little on the down low me and my fiance are taking a break which kinda hurts cuz he said I did nothing wrong but....yet anywho.

So whats up?

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I hate you Rachel Smith!

Well

Work was nice last night still trying to get familiar with the building. But being that there's a starbucks to crave my addiction no way in hell am I moving away from this job. Its awful I'm so addicted.

But at least with work it will be easier for me to fast and so forth.

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I hate you Rachel Smith!

Whoo

Well well well being that I've binged the worst I ever had I'm just gonna ecnore the scale for a bit.

But I wanted to share with you all my new obssssssssive lipstick color by MAC

Its called....MORANGE Its a amplified color and its amazing

Its a coral orange very out going perfect for summer. C: I think any skin tone could pull it off I wuvs it.



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I hate you Rachel Smith!

Busyy

Ugh I got the job and started my period so I'm like fat and gross right now.

I was doing good only coffee every day but I was retaining water like crazy three pounds worth God it kills me.

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I hate you Rachel Smith!

So he leaves

So my hunny got his orders to leave for Iraq on Oct.13 I'm trying to be cool about it I might not be able to see him for nearly a year. But I can handle it.....hopefully.

Still struggling to get a job and having a even harder time with my weight.

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I hate you Rachel Smith!

I envy this pic

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I hate you Rachel Smith!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Sorry I haven't been around in a long time. I know most of you must be like yes! SOFTY IS FINALLY SHUTTING UP! just kidding.

But anywho been super busy. Trying to look for a job and solve the mistery as to why I'm not loosing but still fasting.

Well xoxoxoxo

Ill try to keep y'all updated.

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I hate you Rachel Smith!

Fatty

I haven't really lost anything I've hit like a major wall. I'm stuck and its pissing me off so freaking much. -.-

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I hate you Rachel Smith!

Food.

So I went to my g'mas today had a little lunch not a lot but enough to make me feel like a fatty v.v

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I hate you Rachel Smith!

I wish

I wish my damned period would go away so id be able to drop the weight faster. But like that's gonna happen any time soon.

But my fast has been going well.

I've still been using the bio oil and the results are starting to show. So I'm gonna keep it up see what happens

SoftyxScenexlovesxyou
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I hate you Rachel Smith!